In leadership, difficult conversations are often a necessity, but that doesn’t make them easy, writes Leah Mether. *

Leah Mether says many leaders avoid them, sidestepping potential conflict and hoping issues will resolve themselves – spoiler alert: they rarely do.

The truth is avoiding these conversations is damaging – and not just for the individual, but for the team and the organisation. 

So, why do leaders dodge hard conversations, and how can they stop?

1. They don’t like conflict and confrontation.
Many leaders shy away from hard conversations because they hate conflict. It feels uncomfortable, confrontational, and risky. Avoiding the conversation doesn’t eliminate conflict; it just pushes it underground, where it festers.

2. They hope the situation will improve on its own. Leaders often convince themselves with time, the issue will resolve itself. Unfortunately, problems that go unaddressed tend to grow, not disappear. Delaying action only leads to bigger issues later.
3. They tell themselves they’ll speak up next time. This is a common excuse: "I'll deal with it next time." But allowing inappropriate behaviour to continue unchallenged sends the message it’s acceptable. is erodes team standards.

4. They don’t know how to have the conversation. Sometimes, the biggest barrier is a lack of skill. Leaders may know a conversation is needed but don’t know how to approach it. As much as communication is vital in leadership, it’s often neglected in leadership development.

5. They anticipate it won’t go over well. Leaders often avoid difficult conversations because they fear a negative reaction–anger, defensiveness, or tears. The thought of facing an emotional response is enough to make many retreat.
6. They’re worried about hurting feelings. Leaders are human too, and many care deeply about their team. The fear of causing pain or distress often makes them reluctant to confront someone, even when it’s necessary for growth.

7. They don’t have all the answers. Sometimes leaders avoid conversations because they feel unprepared or don’t have all the facts. But you don’t need all the answers to start a conversation.

8. They’re confused by psychological safety legislation. With new laws around psychological safety, some leaders are afraid of crossing lines they don’t fully understand. The fear of being accused of bullying can paralyse them into inaction.

9. They lack confidence. Confidence is often seen as a prerequisite for tough conversations, but it’s not. Leaders don’t need to feel confident – they just need courage. Confidence is a feeling; courage is action.

10. They’ve tried before, and it didn’t go well. Past negative experiences can leave scars. If a previous conversation didn’t go well, leaders may be hesitant to try again. But avoiding the issue won’t make it disappear. 

Leah Mether is a communication and human skills specialist, obsessed with making the “people part” of leadership and work life easier. She is a trainer, speaker, facilitator and author of two acclaimed books, “Steer rough the Storm: How to Communicate and Lead Courageously rough Change” and “Soft is the New Hard: How to Communicate Effectively Under Pressure” (Ingram Spark, $25.00). Renowned for her engaging and straight-shooter style, Leah helps leaders and teams shift from knowing to doing and radically improve their effectiveness. Visit www.leahmether.com.au